thoughts after my time with Pastor Em

grievance draws nigh,
emptiness gives sigh,
subside,
no more idolize,
final-ly my spirit lifted High.

IS Beyond the shore...

reject me that's fine
you incise my pain
from depths of despair
words without say

away from me terror
you have no home
you were told to leave
8 years ago

step away dear one
you have no love
i am a child, a beauty, One's new dove

i hold back none
you say nothing back
you incapable fool

can you handle this
you were never present
i will not deny
our lives were all a lie

that was then, tis now i see
my real Father has come to set me free
He calls my name, my name of worth
the one you left to lazily desert

who am i? ah, for you know.
Nic as in the Vic- of the tory, from place of Unease
set unrest done with apathy
past Shun the Cunning disrupt
all the lies of your corrupt

i say goodnight and await the morn
the good IS coming beyond the shore.

melody of ISAIAH...

a song of my heart...

...

Jesus,

The times I needed a companion most, you were there.
The times I needed a daddy most, you were there.
The times I needed counsel most, you were there.
The times I needed words to speak, you shared.
The times I needed comfort most, you whispered to me then.
I need you now. I need you here. I need to know you care for me in this slight moment of fear.

not about Both anymore

I used to want opposites to exist together.
I used to desire to be held tight and loosely.
I used to crave control without fear.
I used to believe without patience.
I used to touch without intimacy.
I used to be brash with compassion.
I used to think God was love while I hated.
I used to act before praying.
I used to pretend something was real.

However, now...
I know I can't have both.
I know I have to let go.
I know fear is not an option.
I know I must be patient.
I know touching isn't enough.
I know compassion is my passion.
I know Love.
I know praying is everything.
This is real.

Taking Care of Each Other

I never thought I would say this (and mean it):

In God's economy redistribution of wealth is not limited to cash.

For many years, I have been passionate about encouraging the financially stable and very able to give out of their measurable and equitable abundance. However, over the past couple of months I have learned, as I have seen the people of faith come together, wealth is defined more by willingness and amount of talents intentionally contributed towards God's loving work.

The people of faith at the local church I am a part of are beginning to see the fruit and sense the fulfillment that comes from the giving of their unique self for the sake of another. From giving cash, creativity, organization skills, logic, encouragement and on and on...everyone is blessed inside and outside the community by giving the variety of wealth that exists due to God's graciousness.

I believe in and I have seen the beauty Christ's Church can be...She is radiant and the richest amongst them all.

(The Toy Store in the picture could not have happened without all the people giving something special...and I don't just mean gifts...)

repent.

eminence for nothing
slogan-jargoning is your tip
fradulent signs leading to demise

repent.

mass confused putative love
SEX-tioning infiltrates
planted sordid exchange

repent.

ignoble leading
suspending flames incinerate the names
arrows of disdain maiming precious left to decay
altruism three feet deep
followers refrain from the insane, for if they knew...they would change

repent.

Sunday... Point a to b

"Miss, Do you have time for Democrats?"

Walking out of Whole Foods the question below was asked:

"Miss, Do you have time for Democrats?"

My Response:
Sir,
The reason it took me several seconds to respond to your question is because your question elicits something other than democratic. If you understood the nature of language you would have been more careful in your tactics to to converse with a thoughtful person. Now, if you would have said, "Miss, Do you have time for people?" then I would have given you a different response. I am not interested in participating in activity that strips me from my democratic priveleges nor anything that makes me less than a unique human being who by nature cannot be easily categorized.

Respectfully,

Nicole Renaud

Breath

Deep seated emotions elated me to His throne.
I bowed my regard and found I own nothing.
The Heavens were bent and His ear turned towards my lips;
I cried feeble sounds into the divine abyss.
"Do not worry, My Child," He whispered. "Do Not cave in."
"My Love for you can only be known in this moment of breath."

"Hallelujah," I declared.
My eyes watered tears,
The earth shook around me and so did my fears.

Her Head.

Uncle plays mind games with her head.
Best friend displays the gue in her head.
She tries to ignore voices taunting her head.
She needs to buy more tacky bed-head.

She wants to be on top and ahead.
Wishing her thoughts would be left unsaid.

No one to love lies in her bed.
Unwelcome tramps violate instead.
Peace, she knows, through violent blood shed.
She rests and knows only hope lies ahead.

Response

We must remember that Yahweh called out an "eastern" people. Jesus was a Nazarene who compassionately and committedly extended his love to his "eastern" neighors. Christianity is seemingly, based on all honest observation, an "eastern" religion. I know modern historians would classify this view of Ultimate Reality otherwise. However, the essence in which Christ, The Word, has called his Disciples to embrace and embody inevitably requires a Transcendence of normative categories of eastern and western thoughts.

It is what it is...TRUTH. It is the Truth that Frees a person from suffering (buddhism), it is the Truth that ends cycles of constant humanly effort to forego another round of life (hinduism), it is the Truth that makes Community of saints finally one without separatism (Islam)...Truth gives Breath, Liberates and Unifies. This is Transcendental.

Sunday Afternoon with Mr. Canon strolling the steets of Balboa

Jamie & Denzel

Preface:
We all know, our dreams make sense to us when we are in the midst of the them. It is only when we wake that Reason moves her way in and either shatters our unconscious fantasies or gives us hope to our conscious reality.

Dream Proper:

I was at a function where everyone was comfortable with each other. The people gathered in a lush emerald court-yard and talked about life; the routine and of course the extraordinary combined. About six feet away was a small round table where two men, of valiant stature, sat and businessed it up. It made no difference, nor affected me in the slightest, of course, that Denzel Washington and Jamie Foxx were these two men I made my way to. Naturally, I approached the man that made most sense to me.
"Jamie, you and I share the same amount of wealth. Agree?" I assertively asked.
Jamie replied, "You are right. It makes sense. We make sense. It is practical for us to get married."
Nodding my head, I accepted his sentiment.
Moments later the crowd of acquaintances moved along with the evening and proceeded down an escalator directing everyone to the city.
While I stood alone, waiting to reach ground level, I felt a two large hands take hold of my shoulders. It was Denzel (We are on a first-name basis here- remember this is dream).
He turned me around and declared, "Nicole I want to marry you because I choose to love you with every part of my being. I will love you with Passion."
I immediately shouted, "Yes!"
I had never been so overjoyed. I never knew I could feel and know such completeness. I was home in his arms of embrace.
Stepping off the moving stairs, I realized Jamie saw and overheard all that happened between me and his chum.
No skin of his back, not even two seconds later had Jamie found another complementary and useful partner.
Denzel and I walked hand-in-hand in attempts to find a place of solace.
Finding a perfect bench with no one around, we decided to take a rest and relish in the moment of gladness. All of a sudden I became overwhelmed by the sounds of the crowds fighting for my attention. I became full of fear, thinking Denzel would leave me to bombarding mobs. But he proved me wrong. Unwavering and untouched, Denzel got on one knee and officially asked me to be his bride. His smile exuded the peace I always longed to know. It was then I awoke.

Dream Conclusion:

God told me, Nicole there are many great men of great caliber and stature, but wait for the one who chooses to Love irregardless of practicality or distraction. Wait for your Denzel.

Supplemental Thought:

I never think about these two academy award winning actors.

Invincible

This bloody road remains a mystery
This sudden darkness fills the air
What are we waiting for?
Won’t anybody help us?
What are we waiting for?
We can’t afford to be innocent
Stand up and face the enemy
It’s a do or die situation
We will be invincible

This shattered dream you cannot justify
We’re gonna scream until we’re satisified
What are we running for?
We’ve got the right to be angry
What are we running for?
When there’s no where we can run to anymore

We can’t afford to be innocent
Stand up and face the enemy
It’s a do or die situation
We will be invincible
And with the power of conviction
There is no sacrifice
It’s a do or die situation
We will be invincible

Won’t anybody help us?
What are we running for?
When there’s no where, no where we can run to anymore

We can’t afford to be innocent
Stand up and face the enemy
It’s a do or die situation
We will be invincible
And with the power of conviction
There is no sacrifice
It’s a do or die situation
We will be invincible

To my simple pleasure:

i buy you for a buck.

hot, steamy, soft- light crunch on the sides.
fill my mouth and burn my inside.

rolled in yellow wrap, swiftly undressed.
dipped in redness; soon chomping bliss.

you, my delectable carbo-delight.
you always make me feel so right.
how is it you remain so good?

i am on my way.
hold tight.

city dwells

city dwelling
depletes my everlasting try
from yearn to earn
no one comes by

city dweller you make me small
propagating short-come hopes
leading us to great falls

city inhabitants lose your soul
your pipe dream
quack specialty
one big scream

let go.

some from sunday relax

every friday Miss Mandy and I teach bible at a local public school.

It can be very draining, depending on the kids mood and energy level.

This past Friday, May 2nd was ridiculous.

We literally had to go get the principal to reprimand her 'peace ambassadors'.

I thought a scare tactic would work. and it did. but who knows if will affect next week's class.

There are some kids who are just fabulous! They respect us without question...the girl in this video is one of the few.

Alex is great. she is what I like to call my sweet-diva!

Love her.

i remember when you took this.

tired from balboa-summer's green.

my eyes were heavy from low est-eem.

you knew you it.

i knew it.

beautiful for a moment

but in essence, a hard day.