melody of ISAIAH...

a song of my heart...

...

Jesus,

The times I needed a companion most, you were there.
The times I needed a daddy most, you were there.
The times I needed counsel most, you were there.
The times I needed words to speak, you shared.
The times I needed comfort most, you whispered to me then.
I need you now. I need you here. I need to know you care for me in this slight moment of fear.

not about Both anymore

I used to want opposites to exist together.
I used to desire to be held tight and loosely.
I used to crave control without fear.
I used to believe without patience.
I used to touch without intimacy.
I used to be brash with compassion.
I used to think God was love while I hated.
I used to act before praying.
I used to pretend something was real.

However, now...
I know I can't have both.
I know I have to let go.
I know fear is not an option.
I know I must be patient.
I know touching isn't enough.
I know compassion is my passion.
I know Love.
I know praying is everything.
This is real.

Taking Care of Each Other

I never thought I would say this (and mean it):

In God's economy redistribution of wealth is not limited to cash.

For many years, I have been passionate about encouraging the financially stable and very able to give out of their measurable and equitable abundance. However, over the past couple of months I have learned, as I have seen the people of faith come together, wealth is defined more by willingness and amount of talents intentionally contributed towards God's loving work.

The people of faith at the local church I am a part of are beginning to see the fruit and sense the fulfillment that comes from the giving of their unique self for the sake of another. From giving cash, creativity, organization skills, logic, encouragement and on and on...everyone is blessed inside and outside the community by giving the variety of wealth that exists due to God's graciousness.

I believe in and I have seen the beauty Christ's Church can be...She is radiant and the richest amongst them all.

(The Toy Store in the picture could not have happened without all the people giving something special...and I don't just mean gifts...)

repent.

eminence for nothing
slogan-jargoning is your tip
fradulent signs leading to demise

repent.

mass confused putative love
SEX-tioning infiltrates
planted sordid exchange

repent.

ignoble leading
suspending flames incinerate the names
arrows of disdain maiming precious left to decay
altruism three feet deep
followers refrain from the insane, for if they knew...they would change

repent.

Sunday... Point a to b

"Miss, Do you have time for Democrats?"

Walking out of Whole Foods the question below was asked:

"Miss, Do you have time for Democrats?"

My Response:
Sir,
The reason it took me several seconds to respond to your question is because your question elicits something other than democratic. If you understood the nature of language you would have been more careful in your tactics to to converse with a thoughtful person. Now, if you would have said, "Miss, Do you have time for people?" then I would have given you a different response. I am not interested in participating in activity that strips me from my democratic priveleges nor anything that makes me less than a unique human being who by nature cannot be easily categorized.

Respectfully,

Nicole Renaud

Breath

Deep seated emotions elated me to His throne.
I bowed my regard and found I own nothing.
The Heavens were bent and His ear turned towards my lips;
I cried feeble sounds into the divine abyss.
"Do not worry, My Child," He whispered. "Do Not cave in."
"My Love for you can only be known in this moment of breath."

"Hallelujah," I declared.
My eyes watered tears,
The earth shook around me and so did my fears.

Her Head.

Uncle plays mind games with her head.
Best friend displays the gue in her head.
She tries to ignore voices taunting her head.
She needs to buy more tacky bed-head.

She wants to be on top and ahead.
Wishing her thoughts would be left unsaid.

No one to love lies in her bed.
Unwelcome tramps violate instead.
Peace, she knows, through violent blood shed.
She rests and knows only hope lies ahead.

Response

We must remember that Yahweh called out an "eastern" people. Jesus was a Nazarene who compassionately and committedly extended his love to his "eastern" neighors. Christianity is seemingly, based on all honest observation, an "eastern" religion. I know modern historians would classify this view of Ultimate Reality otherwise. However, the essence in which Christ, The Word, has called his Disciples to embrace and embody inevitably requires a Transcendence of normative categories of eastern and western thoughts.

It is what it is...TRUTH. It is the Truth that Frees a person from suffering (buddhism), it is the Truth that ends cycles of constant humanly effort to forego another round of life (hinduism), it is the Truth that makes Community of saints finally one without separatism (Islam)...Truth gives Breath, Liberates and Unifies. This is Transcendental.

Sunday Afternoon with Mr. Canon strolling the steets of Balboa

Jamie & Denzel

Preface:
We all know, our dreams make sense to us when we are in the midst of the them. It is only when we wake that Reason moves her way in and either shatters our unconscious fantasies or gives us hope to our conscious reality.

Dream Proper:

I was at a function where everyone was comfortable with each other. The people gathered in a lush emerald court-yard and talked about life; the routine and of course the extraordinary combined. About six feet away was a small round table where two men, of valiant stature, sat and businessed it up. It made no difference, nor affected me in the slightest, of course, that Denzel Washington and Jamie Foxx were these two men I made my way to. Naturally, I approached the man that made most sense to me.
"Jamie, you and I share the same amount of wealth. Agree?" I assertively asked.
Jamie replied, "You are right. It makes sense. We make sense. It is practical for us to get married."
Nodding my head, I accepted his sentiment.
Moments later the crowd of acquaintances moved along with the evening and proceeded down an escalator directing everyone to the city.
While I stood alone, waiting to reach ground level, I felt a two large hands take hold of my shoulders. It was Denzel (We are on a first-name basis here- remember this is dream).
He turned me around and declared, "Nicole I want to marry you because I choose to love you with every part of my being. I will love you with Passion."
I immediately shouted, "Yes!"
I had never been so overjoyed. I never knew I could feel and know such completeness. I was home in his arms of embrace.
Stepping off the moving stairs, I realized Jamie saw and overheard all that happened between me and his chum.
No skin of his back, not even two seconds later had Jamie found another complementary and useful partner.
Denzel and I walked hand-in-hand in attempts to find a place of solace.
Finding a perfect bench with no one around, we decided to take a rest and relish in the moment of gladness. All of a sudden I became overwhelmed by the sounds of the crowds fighting for my attention. I became full of fear, thinking Denzel would leave me to bombarding mobs. But he proved me wrong. Unwavering and untouched, Denzel got on one knee and officially asked me to be his bride. His smile exuded the peace I always longed to know. It was then I awoke.

Dream Conclusion:

God told me, Nicole there are many great men of great caliber and stature, but wait for the one who chooses to Love irregardless of practicality or distraction. Wait for your Denzel.

Supplemental Thought:

I never think about these two academy award winning actors.

Invincible

This bloody road remains a mystery
This sudden darkness fills the air
What are we waiting for?
Won’t anybody help us?
What are we waiting for?
We can’t afford to be innocent
Stand up and face the enemy
It’s a do or die situation
We will be invincible

This shattered dream you cannot justify
We’re gonna scream until we’re satisified
What are we running for?
We’ve got the right to be angry
What are we running for?
When there’s no where we can run to anymore

We can’t afford to be innocent
Stand up and face the enemy
It’s a do or die situation
We will be invincible
And with the power of conviction
There is no sacrifice
It’s a do or die situation
We will be invincible

Won’t anybody help us?
What are we running for?
When there’s no where, no where we can run to anymore

We can’t afford to be innocent
Stand up and face the enemy
It’s a do or die situation
We will be invincible
And with the power of conviction
There is no sacrifice
It’s a do or die situation
We will be invincible

To my simple pleasure:

i buy you for a buck.

hot, steamy, soft- light crunch on the sides.
fill my mouth and burn my inside.

rolled in yellow wrap, swiftly undressed.
dipped in redness; soon chomping bliss.

you, my delectable carbo-delight.
you always make me feel so right.
how is it you remain so good?

i am on my way.
hold tight.

city dwells

city dwelling
depletes my everlasting try
from yearn to earn
no one comes by

city dweller you make me small
propagating short-come hopes
leading us to great falls

city inhabitants lose your soul
your pipe dream
quack specialty
one big scream

let go.

some from sunday relax

every friday Miss Mandy and I teach bible at a local public school.

It can be very draining, depending on the kids mood and energy level.

This past Friday, May 2nd was ridiculous.

We literally had to go get the principal to reprimand her 'peace ambassadors'.

I thought a scare tactic would work. and it did. but who knows if will affect next week's class.

There are some kids who are just fabulous! They respect us without question...the girl in this video is one of the few.

Alex is great. she is what I like to call my sweet-diva!

Love her.

i remember when you took this.

tired from balboa-summer's green.

my eyes were heavy from low est-eem.

you knew you it.

i knew it.

beautiful for a moment

but in essence, a hard day.

clickity-clock

clickity-clock
the time turns
one more day gone
another one returns

go i feel; go to stay
ansy dancing
pas de bourrée?

stand up straight
voice is clear
my hair is par
smile in stitch

clickity-clock
another one comes
please wave high
please hug tight
pray for him
pray for her
go home

another day returns.

language, you pain me so

Language:

from the depths of being I yearn for union;
where word becomes flesh and
mind flushes to page.
my
strings of thoughts panting.
illusions are racing.
utterances detained.

don't you hear my cry or
my ever-present brain-pang?

loosen the chains.
set my tongue free,
imperatively
eagerly,
despairingly.

Let thy Word reign.

typical

(buzz buzz)

Binks.

finally.

i know.

Nikki, did you dream last night?

i don't remember.

oh, well, I did.

what happened?

your dad gave us advice.

Rebekah, I can't interpret right now.

i'll call you when you're interested.

i'm just tired.

i know.

Loves.

Loves.

(push 'end')

My greatest desire is to be stretched by LOVE's fight.
Reaching, Calling, Satisfying, Rectifying you come towards me.
I can not thank Ye enough.
I also don't understand.
For what ever it is worth...I give you thanks again.

daily dual

bereft,
derelict, deserted, desolate,
forsaken,
lorn,
forlorn

insert,
interject,
interlard, interpolate, interpose,
inject

Hee-Ya.

Beginning Rewind...Forward: Thoughts on Re-Creation...

As I have walked now with the Lord for 15 years there has been a recurring experience, where I think I comprehend just who God is then He completely throws me way off. Why would I think, why should any of us think, He should interact with us any other way?

The scriptures show us from the very first chapter, from the very first sentence of the Bible, that God is dynamic; He is repeatedly performing deeds that Wow his Beloved people, that continually and ironically prove his Consistent and ever-faithful Character!

There is One identity descriptor of God I have recently discovered that is completely overlooked….God as Creator. We tend to see God as Creator within the limits of the one “creation account”. Now, if you want to look at and use scripture in way that forces you to construct lists and make sterile conclusive statements about God, then, in my humble opinion, God’s nature as creator does exist within the pages of Genesis 1-2. But what fun is that? Honestly? That doesn’t do justice to what God wants to reveal to you!

I’m sure there is more to what I am about to say, however, I beginning to see the creation account as a home-base, a premise, a thesis, a foundation for all the different ways God manifests his Nature. It is the main and primary piece to God’s character development in this story of hope and life.
This book is not a manual, it is a poetic, romantic and daring epic of truth that is to speak and shape our physical and spiritual reality!

The premise begins- Genesis 1:1-3
1. In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.
2. Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.
3. And God said, "Let there be light," and there was light.
4. God saw that the light was good, and he separated the light from the darkness.

Several verses later, God creates Adam’, “man” in Hebrew. This is the only instance of God’s creations throughout the six-day period, that God made something in His own Image.

We, as readers of this story, can see immediately that the activity between man and God is so different and so special compared to any other.

Three times the scripture says in Genesis 1:27, God “created.” This is extremely significant in that three signifies in the Hebrew culture, divine. There is a divine branding, spiritual genetic DNA that no man or woman can detach themselves from.

It is the “Ruach,” God breathing into us that has made Him unable to stop loving and turning away his attention from us.

It is our divine mark that has kept God so faithful in giving us ridiculous amounts of chances over to return to His intended relationship with us throughout all history.

Humankind has tried to sever his and her ties to their Creator by denying both who they really are and who God really is.

In the Garden of Eden, when God declared all was “good”, and functioned as planned, man and woman took a turn to feast their desires on themselves, which eventually, lead into generations of broken relationships, hard-ache, competition amongst peers and defilement of love. Mankind was found in wanting, walking and scraping for dear life in this new dark abyss waiting for a new created order to occur.

Since then, time and time again God has and still is somehow bringing us back to the first story, to the creation scene. He is graciously confronting us with His nature as Creator. We cannot escape him.

Isaiah 40:28 NAS
Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Everlasting God, the LORD, the Creator of the ends of the earth does not become weary or tired. His understanding is inscrutable.

Let’s think about several ways God has revealed to us this continual interplay between his greatest creation and his faithfulness to his nature as Creator:

Before the Garden- before man and woman there was physical darkness.

Man and Woman and all creation lived in relationship with God. There was light. God’s order was in place.

Humankind fell. Relationship to God was broken and now enters murder.

God moves to restore his creation, through the cleansing of bringing on a flood and using a righteous man named Noah to do so. Order is re-established.

Disorder reigns as man builds a temple in attempts to worship himself.

God calls Abraham and makes a spectacular promise to him to lead all generations into a covenantal love, an agreement to make sure his people will one day be rejoined with Him. “And in you all the families of the earth will be blessed." The Lord said.

Then God’s people are enslaved. God uses a man who feels he has nothing to offer and compared to the sight of man, he was right. God uses Moses to lead the people out of the land of despair into the land of abundance and hope.

The people of God have forgotten how their Creator has saved them, how He has loved them, But God can’t seem to give up.

The word used to describe his Love is constant, it is everlasting, it is forever faithful and it doesn’t hinge on any conditions. He will love until he sees his creation brought back to where all is restored. God is not only Savior, He is Lover.

Nehemiah 9:17 NIV
They refused to listen and failed to remember the miracles you performed among them. They became stiff-necked and in their rebellion appointed a leader in order to return to their slavery. But you are a forgiving God, gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love. Therefore you did not desert them.

Kings fell. The people God called out and saved were worshipping creatures as opposed to their Creator and Savior.

400 Years later, God speaks through a man named John the Baptist, another misunderstood individual of society. He said, in so many words, Change your way of thinking for something new is coming! “Repent for the Kingdom is at hand.”

Jesus Christ, God in the Flesh, who was there in the beginning, who grieved and loved His people, came and walked, talked, healed and ushered in the long lost dominion and Kingdom of God.

Taking on the disorder and the muck of the world, Jesus became the final Word and miraculous Deed that would bring all creation back to the place where it once left.

Through the darkness of Jesus’ death and the light of his resurrection, God created a new order of people who exist and participate in God’s redemptive Creative scheme to see all creation restored.

Everyday, our lives as Christians we are, if we know it or not, are characters in God’s Creation account.

Scripture show us that we, like the first days of creation, have been saved from the darkness and have been welcomed and called into the Light.

We find ourselves alive and engaging in the world around us.

And through this dramatic act God has done is continuing to do for us, we too are to do the same. For the Bible says….

1 John 4:11 NIV
Since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.

This imperative instruction is rooted in God’s Great and inspiring nature:


Romans 8:39 NIV
Neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

We can never separate ourselves. We can never not be known by the God who created us, saved us and loves us.

one of many

I saw a man in tight blue jeans and a faded yellow-t.

He spoke of his mother less tenderly.

He waved his hands to swipe the hoarders away.

He had no place to stay.

He itched his ear several times too many, only wishing he could reach inside-

Down to the depths of his heart where his one true voice cried.